Friday, July 31, 2009

Just one of those days

Do you ever have those days where no matter what you do, no matter how much you get done, it feels like you are in this great big ocean, and you know you have to swim really hard to get where you need to be but all you seem able to do is tread water so you never actually get anywhere, you just stay in the same place fighting to keep your head above water? That's the kind of day I'm having. I don't really know why, they come along here and there, and it's hard to snap out of it. I just have so many things running around in my head and I have no idea what choices to make. I guess I feel a little bogged down with things.

I hope that by tomorrow I will be back to my usual self.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Soundtrack of my life

I was thinking the other day about soundtracks, how they set the mood for different scenes in a movie or show. It made me think about what songs would be on the soundtrack of my life and this is what I came up with:

For my daughter T*:
I hope you dance -Lee Ann Womack
In my daughter's eyes - Martina Mcbride
When I see you smile - Bad English
Isn't she lovely - Stevie Wonder
Daughters - John Mayer
Gracie - Ben Folds ( I know it's not her name but it's a really sweet song)

For my boyfriend R*:
Right here waiting - Stained
Landing in London - Three Doors Down
Please don't leave me - Pink
Far away - Nickelback
Here by me - Three Doors Down
Breathing - Lifehouse

For my parents:
Perfect - Simple Plan
Second chance - Shinedown

For work:
People are strange - The Doors

For close friends and family:
We are family - Sister Sledge
I'll be there for you - Rembrants
Stand by me - Ben E. King
Lean on me - Bill Withers
You got a friend - James Taylor
You got a friend in me - Randy Newman

The "filler" songs, the up tempo ones:
Hot - Avril Lavigne
Complicated - Avril Lavigne
Freak out - Avril Lavigne
My life would suck without you - Kelly Clarkson
Since U been gone - Kelly Clarkson
I do not hook-up - Kelly Clarkson
Miss Independent - Kelly Clarkson
Summer of '69 - Bryan Adams
Walking on sunshine - Katrina and the Waves
So what - Pink
Get the party started - Pink
I'm a believer - Smash Mouth
Buttercup - Foundations

For my really close just like sisters girlfriends:
This ones for the girls - Martina Mcbride
Girls just wanna have fun - Cyndi Lauper
Ain't no mountain high enough - Marvin Gaye

For those sad days:
Hallelujah - Lenard Cohen
Crazy Mary - Pearl Jam
Apologize - One Republic
Hate me - Blue October
Never Think - Rob Pattinson

I'm sure there are a lot more that I could think of and maybe as I do I will add them to my "Life Soundtrack". For now these are the songs that I came up with. It's actually kind of a neat exercise to try, thinking about all the songs that have some kind of meaning for you or just songs that make you feel a certain way. You should try it sometime

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

For the love of a good book

I wonder how much it would cost to rent Chapters? You know, you could buy a fold out couch so that during the day people could still sit on it, you'd get to wake up to the smell of Starbucks Coffee every morning, and then just spend the whole day reading. It would be like heaven! At least for me it would be. I have always been in love with books, for as long as I can remember. It's always so great when I discover a new author that I just love, I want to go out and buy all their books so that I can read them all at once. Books are just so great! They can be a comfortable old friend, they can take you all kinds of places, and they really don't cost all that much, I mean if you want you can just go to the library and borrow them for free! I think that is one of the first things that I do when I move to a new place is find the library and get a card. Then I take out about ten books and read them all in four days, well, most of the time it only takes me a few days to read them all. I just can't help it, if I get really into a book I just don't want to put it down, I need to know how it ends, I need to know what happens to everyone. I love the smell of books, just walking through a library or a book store is amazing to my senses, I love it. And books are a great gift! (or a gift card to a book store) I usually try and throw in a book for every kids birthday present, I figure it's good in a few ways, it's passing on a love of reading and it gives parents and children something else to do together!

Think of Chapters for a minute, you could totally live there, think about all the new authors that you would find, all the classics that you could re-read, all the places that you could 'travel', all the art you could learn about. Then they also have all the cards and note books and paper, pens, the coffee, the music, even some movies, they have computers...... seriously, heaven. I think they should make a movie about someone living in Chapters, I mean it worked for Walmart right?

I do love books, they are just amazing. I always wonder how there are so many people who can come up with so many ideas for different books that so many others just love. Of course I have my favorites, psycho thrillers are some of the best for me, Stephen King of course, he scares the crap out of me, though it's in a good way, Dean Koontz (to me his Odd Thomas series is the best by far), Kathy Reichs (Canada's answer to Patricia Cronwell), James Patterson, and numerous others who's names I just can't think of. Those aren't the only authors I read though, I love Shakespeare, Jane Austen, I even enjoy some your adult books. I like my romance novels as well, and Chicken Soup for the Soul. I find my tastes in books expanding as I get older, authors and books that I never would have looked at ten years ago have become favorites. Anne Rice, I think she's great, James Herriot is amazing I think his books are even better because they are based on his life. Though I do remember reading most of Michael Crichton's books as a teenager. I've just always found that books are something I can lose myself in, if I've had a bad day, if I'm upset, if I just need something to do for a bit. I would much rather lose myself in a book than watch TV. The only problem is that when I start reading I get nothing done!

This past Sunday my lovely boyfriend took our daughter and I to Chapters for books, which is actually really sweet seeing as he doesn't like reading at all! He even paid for our books for us. I was able to find 4 that I liked on the 4 for $10 table as well as one extra book for $3.99, god I love it when they have sales like that. Our daughter found 2 books that she wanted and we were set! I almost always buy T* at least one book when I get myself one, I just can't pass up the chance to pass on my love for reading! It's now Wednesday and I have one and a half books left to read lol, did I tell you I read fast.

Speaking of reading fast, I was able to find four books this year that I read in five days flat, and they aren't little short books either. Then for the first time EVER I picked them up and read them through and 2nd and 3rd time all within about a month and a half!! I have never been able to do that before, usually I have to wait a year or so before I can read a book again or I just can't get into it because I remember it all. These books though..... Even now I want to read them again! Of course I am talking about the much loved Twilight series by the wonderful writer Stephenie Meyer. I really don't care if you didn't like the movie or not or if you wouldn't read the books because everyone else is. I think they are amazing! Honestly, I read the first book in seven hours!! I just really like the way that she writes, I still have yet to read her other book The Host but I am looking forward to it. Yes I have seen the movie, I even own it, and will go and see the 2nd, 3rd and 4th ones as well, I enjoyed the first one, although as is usually the case, the book was better. I have also read all the Harry Potter books and seen all the movies so far, I even had my boyfriend watch the latest one with me even though he can't stand Harry Potter (see what a sweet guy I have??).

So yes some of the books I enjoy are very main stream but I enjoy them anyways, I always love finding new authors and talking about a new book that I found so feel free to let me know if there is anyone you think I should really read. 'Til then why not curl up with a good book? That's what I'm going to do :).

Monday, July 20, 2009


Friday night I read this article in a women's magazine and I still can't get it out of my head. Not because it was a great article, though it was written fairly well, it's more what the article was about. It was an opinion piece written by a mother of two, both girls, and she was talking about tattoos. A friend of hers had turned 50 and decided to commemorate it with a tattoo, along with Barbie who also got a tattoo for turning 50. Anyways, this woman was writing about how we are becoming a generation who follows extremes, I can't remember the exact wording that she used but that kind of sums it up. She mentioned girls getting their ears pierced at a young age, she feels that this should be a right of passage when a girl turns 13. I know that everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I don't think you should shove your opinion down others throat. Okay, so maybe she wasn't that bad, it did seem like it though. The wording she used seemed to convey that her ideas are the right ones, that those of us who get tattoos as mothers are setting a really horrible example for our children, that having more than one earring in our ears is another strike against us, like if we have any of these things we can't be good mothers. Well you know what, I have two tattoos and I got both after my daughter was born, they mean a hell of a lot to me. My first ever tattoo is an angel on my lower back with my daughters name underneath it, because to me she is my guardian angel. I have five earrings in each ear, a belly ring and one in my tongue as well. According to this woman I must be a bad mother. I try my best though, I do what I can. I'm glad that my daughter sees my tattoo all the time because she knows that I got it for her, she knows that it's her name underneath the angel, she knows that I see her as my angel, and she sees the proof of that every day. I'm not saying that people should run out and get a tattoo, it's something that you really have to think about, you have to know that you are going to want it forever. But I don't believe that there is anything wrong with them, or piercings, or crazy hair colors. It's a personal choice, it's something that expresses yourself, what is wrong with that? It's like writing, it's an expression of self, and if it makes you happy then why not???

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Who writes this stuff??

I'm as much a fan of t.v and the movies as the next person. I enjoy relaxing with a good show or movie, usually I'm crocheting at the same time, but it is relaxing. My favorite has got to be the Psycho thrillers, CSI, NCSI, those types, though I also enjoy drama, comedy and other things. I also enjoy some of the reality programs, such as the ones on TLC or HGTV. The thing I don't understand is shows like the bachelor/bachelorette. I mean honestly, you put these people in a huge house together, tell them they are all going to date the same person and in the end whoever is with that one person is going to get $100,000,000 oh and of course throw in the fact that they will be on camera for the world to see. Then you actually expect these people to be themselves! Honestly! How can they think this will work?? I don't understand, no wonder there is only what, one couple that have actually gotten married and are still together. I don't see how anyone can expect any of these people to be natural, too many people are watching this (why I don't understand). They are being offered all these things to get married to someone that they really don't know. How can you honestly get to know someone enough to want to marry them when they are dating 24 other people at the same time?? I do not understand how that can be accomplished. You can't get to know someone like that! They are going to be on their best behavior the whole time because there are cameras rolling! Sure when you watch the show you see a bit more of what goes on in the house than the bachelor/bachelorette, but they don't see any of this until the choice is already made, then after they make the choice they have what three months when they still can't see the person because they have to wait till the show is aired. Then of course you have to take into consideration that they usually don't live anywhere near each other, so one has to move to make the "relationship" work, leaving behind friends and family for someone that they really don't know at all. Wow, it's a wonder more of these "couples" don't make it! I also don't understand how anyone can be ok with it, I mean, in the real world no one in their right mind would knowingly date someone who is dating 24 other people at the same time, can you say wrong? It just isn't possible to get to know someone in that kind of environment in that short of a time frame and feel like getting married in the end. Real life just doesn't work that way!! Before you say anything, I have watched the show, for part of one season before I just got sick of it.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Things they never told me about being a mom

Life really changes when you have children. There are somethings that others tell you but there is a lot that no one really talks about. Sometimes we are so afraid about what others will think of us that we never say how we are really feeling, it's great when you have someone that you can talk to about anything, unfortunately we don't always have that person around. I was watching The Oprah Winfrey Show the other day and they had a bunch of mothers on talking about the things they like and don't like about being a mom. They called it a judgement free zone, a place where you could talk about your worries and fears without the worry that people would look at you as if you were a bad mother. They talked about the things that they just really didn't like about being moms, dirty diapers, throw-up, super late nights, snot, those kinds of things. Then Oprah asked the mothers to come up with things that no one had ever told them about being a mom but wished they had known. It got me thinking about things that I found out only after I had my daughter, things I feel it would have been nice to know before hand but at the same time, I know I probably wouldn't have totally understood before baby. Here is my list
- There are times when you wish you were kid free again
- At times you feel like you have no identity of your own, you're just the mom
- By the time your child turns 3 you automatically have 2 kids, your child and their father
- You will never feel as if you have had enough sleep
- Sometimes you will get so frustrated you will need to walk out of the house for a while
- There are times you will wish you listened better in school because you have no idea how to answer your child's questions
- Some days you will forget that you had a life before you had kids (this is not always a bad thing)
- Most of the time you feel as if your child is better dressed and more put together than you are
- Your purse becomes soo much more, a first aid kit, a toy box, a colouring book (that wasn't a nice one)
- You no longer remember what normal band-aids look like, all the ones you use have characters on them
- You realize that you can actually love someone so much it hurts
- You find that the best part of your day is when your child comes up to you out of the blue and tells you they love you
- They teach you to really see things again, with wonder
- They make you appreciate quiet time :)
Not everything that I didn't know is a bad thing, that's what you realize when you have kids. Even the things that totally frustrate you still make you smile. Honestly, children are great teachers if you just listen to them.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Perfect mom

I love my daughter, more than anything in the world, but there are days when she really tries my patience. I try my best to remain calm, not to raise my voice and to allow her to have a certain amount of freedom. I always try and speak to her the same way I would talk to anyone else, to answer any of her questions in a way that she can understand, to always let her know the reason behind why I say no sometimes. Still there are times when I just can't help it, she'd pushed me right to my limit and I get angry and louder, I send her to her room and she ends up in tears. After a few minutes when I have calmed down I go and try and explain why I was upset, give her a hug and we move on. I'm constantly worrying that I'm doing it all wrong, that I should be able to stay calm, that I should be more understanding. I worry that I get upset too much, that I'm not spending enough time with her, that I'm not giving her all that things that she needs, that I'm not raising her properly. You watch t.v shows that show the parents in such a light, they seem to have it all figured out, everyone is happy, when something bad happens they all come together and everyone is fine (which is why I think I enjoyed Jon and Kate plus 8 so much, they seemed so normal). Then of course you watch your friends with their kids, or see other mothers at the school or park. It seems like there are so many that never raise their voices, they are always calm and relaxed, never stressed, it seems like they never have any problems to deal with in their families. It always makes me feel inadequate, I always look at them and think 'why can't I be more like that?' I look at them and it seems like they have this perfect relationship with their children, they never seem to get upset. It all looks so perfect. I end up being jealous of their calmness, their patience and feeling even worse about the times when I get upset with my daughter. I start to really worry that I'm doing it wrong.
I have one such friend, it seemed like whenever we were together she was always so put together and calm, it was like she had the patience of an angel, like nothing ever got to her at all. Then one day she looked at me and said "You're always so good with your daughter, always calm and put together". I was totally shocked!!! Here I had been thinking that she was this perfect mom and she felt the same way about me! We got to talking about it and realized that we both went through the same things, that we had the same worries and fears. We both lost our patience at times and wanted to rip our hair out, we both raised our voices at times, but we were also both trying our best. It was a major eye opener for me, and it made me feel soo much better about the kind of mother I am.
I realized that those 'perfect' moms that I saw out with their 'perfect' kids were probably just like me. I only saw them sometimes, and it was always out somewhere. I didn't spend hours with them anywhere, I didn't know what happened after they left, I didn't see the tantrums that their kids threw when they were told no. I realized that I can't judge the perfect mom based on a few hours over a few months, I had no idea what things were like the rest of the time.
So remember, the next time you're out and feeling that you're doing it all wrong and you're the worst parent out there. The next time you look at that other mom and think she's got it all together and her life and kids are perfect, she just might be looking at you and thinking the same thing!!
Now if you will excuse me I am going to go hug my daughter :)

Monday, July 6, 2009

Old Soul, Young Heart

I have pretty much always found that I get along better with people who are older than me. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I have 2 older brothers and I was always with them growing up or maybe I was just born what they call an 'old soul'. I have a few friends that are the same age as I am, they usually have kids like I do and can relate to the things that I am going through. I just seem to find that I have nothing in common with other 28 year olds. They tend to annoy me actually, as weird as they may sound. I have such a better time with women that are older than me, most of my close friends are at least 3 years older than me, a few of them are actually 10 years older, but I fell like I have more in common with them. Don't even get me started on girls younger than me! Don't get me wrong there are a few that I do get along with and can talk to and hang out with, just not very often. Has anyone else noticed that they just seem really young?? Their focus is just totally off from mine, they want to party and play and they go out all the time. I can't do that, I have a daughter, don't get me wrong I do get out sometimes, my boyfriend and I have a night out here and there or I will go out with friends. I work at night so I always say that working is my 'me time'. Still I can't seem to connect to the girls that are my age, unless they have kids. I went through my 'club phase' in six months when I was 21, since then, clubs just annoy me. I find myself critiquing the music, rolling my eyes at the other people there and just wanting to go home. I would much rather be sitting around a table with friends talking and having a few drinks while our kids run around together. I would rather sit at home and read a good book, or crochet/knit something! I used to get teased at one bar I worked at whenever I told people that I liked to crochet, they used to ask me if I was 80. Thankfully though, there are now more younger people out there crocheting and knitting so it's not such an 'old person' activity any more, and I enjoy it.

Then of course I have the other side of me. The side that still gets really silly and giddy when I am over tired, the side that gets excited when I find something that I really like. Last year my boyfriend got me a Nintendo DS just because, so many people look at me weird when I say I have one and then tell me "you know we got one for our child? They're 5/6/7", why does everyone think that the DS is only for kids???? I bought the Brain Age games first to expand my mind, lol, and I did play them a lot for the first while, it helped to explain to others why at my age I had one. Then I started to get more of the game games. I got the Mystery Case Files game, you know the one that Liv Tyler is playing in her DS commercial? Then for Christmas my boyfriend got me the Wall E game. My latest, Super Mario 64, my boyfriend bought it for my birthday and I love it! I have been playing it almost everyday for the last week and I get totally excited when I actually beat a level! I have actually been going on-line and finding the walk throughs so that I can figure out all the levels. I mean I do love the game but I have a 4 year old, I don't have time to sit there and figure it out all on my own! There are lots of other 'young' things that I like, playing on the swings, roller coasters, playing at the beach. Honestly though I think you need to have both sides. They balance each other out, keeps me from getting boring, or at least I like to think so.

So excuse me for now, I am going to go play my game, lol :)

Friday, July 3, 2009

I hate colds!

It's a nice 17 degrees Celsius outside like it has been for the past week, yes I will admit it has been raining on and off but I have not been running around in it. Why then do I have a cold?? So many people believe that colds only happen in winter. Oh no my friend, I get a cold almost every summer, lucky me! I actually decided to go on line this morning and try to figure out why we get a cold in the summer. I never really found out a whole lot. It's a virus (big surprise) you can catch it by being in contact with others that have it, wow, didn't know that one! Maybe I just found the wrong web site or something. It did give me a few good points, stress and allergies can bring on a cold, I had both of those this past week-end.
It all started on Saturday, my daughter was with her grandparents, so her dad and I went to a stag and doe. Sooo much fun, lots of laughs, a couple of drinks. I even had a couple jello shooters. Then while laying in bed that night I could feel my upper lip and eyes beginning to swell. When I woke up in the morning I looked like I had been punched in the mouth, and my eyes, well, lets just say my boyfriend said I looked Chinese (no offence to anyone, my eyes were just swollen that much). I have no idea why my face did that, the only thing I can think of is some great new allergy that I didn't have before. Yeah me! Then of course there was just normal everyday stress. So according to the research that I did this is why I have a cold. Still really doesn't tell me all that much. It also tells me that humidity can have an affect on cold season as well. I live in Ontario, can't really get away from the humidity. Maybe it's just that silly Rhino running around every where. Can someone please put him in a cage already??

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Happy Birthday Canada!!

Well, this year I missed out on going to the Canada Day festivities, it's just one of those days today. So I thought that I would make a little list of things that I like about being Canadian:

-The West Coast - B.C is amazing

-The East Coast - I have yet to go there but it looks beautiful!

-The Aurora Borealis - Northern Lights are amazing when you get to see them

-The Rockies in B.C and Alberta

-Most people are totally laid back and down to earth

-Poutine - Fries, gravy and melted cheese mmmmm

-Mainly free health care

I know not all of these things are only in Canada but they are things that make me happy to live here!