My little ballerina

T* has been in various dance classes since around the age of 3. She has always really enjoyed it, she loves to dance! It's been really neat watching her come into her own with regards to her confidence in dancing and the way she has changed with listening to the teacher. When she first started dance she was all over the place, talking, not paying attention, not listening, sitting outside the room I would hear the teacher call T*'s name more than anything else almost, it was kind of funny in some ways, and horrifying in others (oh my god, my child does not know how to listen, and can't do as she's told!). Now though, she is completely different, she's become this perfect little girl, never talks when she's not suppose to, always does as she's asked, tries her best. It's great to see, school has helped in that department a lot, so have all the other programs that she has been in.
Today she started a new dance class, it's the same teacher she had last year but in a different studio. The class sizes are a little smaller and the teacher is great ( I think it helps that she has two little ones of her own). I'm looking forward to seeing how this 'term' goes. It will be a new experience this time as the teacher is really focused, she works with them to make sure that they understand everything and they are learning all the proper moves. T* has done ballet with her before but this time they actually have the mirrors and the bare to work with. It's really cute to see these little 4 and 5 year old's doing all these ballet moves. I am so happy that we are able to put T* in these kinds of things, especially when she really enjoys it, so far ballet and swimming are the only 2 things that she keeps going back to. It's grate to watch her grow in both of these things. Today was cute as well because we got all T*'s new ballet stuff, her leotard, her new ballet shoes, and her new skirt, we are just waiting on her tights and her new dance bag. As I said, this dance class is a little different. We need to have all the proper clothing this time, no going to the department store, luckily we got discounts by ordering through the teacher, that and the store she uses has pretty good prices anyways, it's also not that bad because T* can use everything but the shoes for a few years. I love watching her dance anyways so it's all totally worth it, the look on her face is priceless. I can't wait till the recital at the end of this term, it's going to be great!

Perfect mom

I love my daughter, more than anything in the world, but there are days when she really tries my patience. I try my best to remain calm, not to raise my voice and to allow her to have a certain amount of freedom. I always try and speak to her the same way I would talk to anyone else, to answer any of her questions in a way that she can understand, to always let her know the reason behind why I say no sometimes. Still there are times when I just can't help it, she'd pushed me right to my limit and I get angry and louder, I send her to her room and she ends up in tears. After a few minutes when I have calmed down I go and try and explain why I was upset, give her a hug and we move on. I'm constantly worrying that I'm doing it all wrong, that I should be able to stay calm, that I should be more understanding. I worry that I get upset too much, that I'm not spending enough time with her, that I'm not giving her all that things that she needs, that I'm not raising her properly. You watch t.v shows that show the parents in such a light, they seem to have it all figured out, everyone is happy, when something bad happens they all come together and everyone is fine (which is why I think I enjoyed Jon and Kate plus 8 so much, they seemed so normal). Then of course you watch your friends with their kids, or see other mothers at the school or park. It seems like there are so many that never raise their voices, they are always calm and relaxed, never stressed, it seems like they never have any problems to deal with in their families. It always makes me feel inadequate, I always look at them and think 'why can't I be more like that?' I look at them and it seems like they have this perfect relationship with their children, they never seem to get upset. It all looks so perfect. I end up being jealous of their calmness, their patience and feeling even worse about the times when I get upset with my daughter. I start to really worry that I'm doing it wrong.
I have one such friend, it seemed like whenever we were together she was always so put together and calm, it was like she had the patience of an angel, like nothing ever got to her at all. Then one day she looked at me and said "You're always so good with your daughter, always calm and put together". I was totally shocked!!! Here I had been thinking that she was this perfect mom and she felt the same way about me! We got to talking about it and realized that we both went through the same things, that we had the same worries and fears. We both lost our patience at times and wanted to rip our hair out, we both raised our voices at times, but we were also both trying our best. It was a major eye opener for me, and it made me feel soo much better about the kind of mother I am.
I realized that those 'perfect' moms that I saw out with their 'perfect' kids were probably just like me. I only saw them sometimes, and it was always out somewhere. I didn't spend hours with them anywhere, I didn't know what happened after they left, I didn't see the tantrums that their kids threw when they were told no. I realized that I can't judge the perfect mom based on a few hours over a few months, I had no idea what things were like the rest of the time.
So remember, the next time you're out and feeling that you're doing it all wrong and you're the worst parent out there. The next time you look at that other mom and think she's got it all together and her life and kids are perfect, she just might be looking at you and thinking the same thing!!
Now if you will excuse me I am going to go hug my daughter :)

Oh how time flies

Is is just me or has anyone else noticed that the older you get the faster time goes by? I remember as a kid it seemed to take forever for anything to happen, to reach a certain age, it was always the longest day if you were waiting for something to happen. Now though, even if I am looking forward to something, time just seems to speed by.
After you have kids it gets even worse! It's like I blinked and she got to be five. Last Friday she finished her first year of school. It feels like it was just yesterday that her dad and I were explaining what junior kindergarten is, telling her about all the new friends she would make and all the things that she would learn. Now she is already finished! One year is all gone! I remember being so worried about her starting school. My daughter is one of those children who have never been with a babysitter, other than family, she was never in day care, or any pre-school. I was always the one to take her to any "classes" that we put her in. School was going to be a big step for both of us. Where we live they start at four years old and they go all day every other day, this was going to be a HUGE change. She was great though, I think the only reason I even got a hug good-bye on that first day was because I asked for one! She just took to school, loved being there, loved her firends, loved learning. She was always asking me when she got to go to school next. I can't beleive how much she changed either! It's like she went in my little baby and came out my little girl.
I do have to say that I have totally lucked out on most of my daughter's first big things. Her first birthday was massive! We rented a hall, it was catered, open bar, there were about seventy or so people there with about thirty kids all under the age of ten! Her first library "class" wa a small group, her first swimming lesson she was the only kid in the class, her first dance class she had a great teacher. Her first year of school? A class of thirteen, and the best teacher I could ever have chosen. The teacher was great, all the kids loved her, all the parents loved her. I think it helped a bit that she also had a son going into junior kindergarten, not at the same school, but still. She even got chocked up on the last day and had most of us parents choked as well, she will be missed next year. I really hope that she has as much fun at her new school as she had at this one.
Over all it was a great first year at school. I realized that my daughter can be away from me and survive, and so can I. She is growing up and learning so many new things, she has so many questions about everything and always has something to say. She found some of her voice at school, and learned that she will make a great leader. She loves people and always wants to help everyone. Really, she's a great kid. I realized that sometimes it takes looking through someone elses eyes to see just how amazing your kids are!
Now that summer is here though, I have no idea what to do with all her free time!! lol It will be fun though!

Keep the innocence alive

When I was a kid I had so many ideas about how my life would turn out. There are so many choices out there of what to do and who to be, you can dream big! Then I got a job, moved out, moved a few times, had a few different jobs, tried out different things, grew up. As I did I realized that some dreams just aren't going to happen, especially if you haven't got someone shouting encouragement at you from the side lines. You need that little bit of pushing while you are growing up. I'm older now but still young enough to dream, the dreams have just become a little more practical.

I now have a daughter of my own who is still in that dream huge stage. Like any other mother I tell her the little fibs of childhood, you know the ones I mean, Santa, the Easter bunny, The tooth fairy, the kinds of things that keep children innocent. I also try and encourage her to keep dreaming, I want her to believe in herself, that she can do anything and be anyone and that I will always be right there by her side shouting encouragement. I want her to believe in magic for as long as possible, and hope that at five years old she still has many years of believing left.

At five she still loves Princesses and Treehouse, she doesn't quite realize that not everything you see on television is real. She is asking those cute questions that only little ones think of, 'Can I play on a rainbow like the Mole Sisters? How can a big brother be smaller than a little brother (George Shrinks)?' I try and teach her that sometimes things on tv are just pretend. Like most young children she takes it a little further, while watching The Wiggles one day she looked at mea and said ' They're not real, they're just pretend'. I suppose in a way she is kind of right, but I had to explain that they are real people....and we start all over again the next day.

Right now if you ask her what she wants to be when she grows up without any hesitation at all she will answer 'A princess ballerina.' I just can't bring myself to tell her that you can't really become a princess when you grow up, after all she has met Cinderella twice and The Little Mermaid once at a few birthday parties. Who knows maybe she will actually meet a real honest to goodness prince someday and marry him, there are still afew around some places, it could happen. Or maybe like the rest of us she will grow up and lose that innocence. All I know is that I intend to keep it alive for as long as it's possible to. And hey, if becoming a princess doesn't happen she can always fall back on becoming a ballerina.